Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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