omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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