Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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