my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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