I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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