I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
