I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
