it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
