She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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