Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
