Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
