remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
