He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize