Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Randomize
