I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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