She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
