so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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