standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
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Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Boobs speak an international language.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
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Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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