aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
