Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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