I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
