Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
