woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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