i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
sex in a hospital.. check
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
