Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
