What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
