It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
