My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
