It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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