Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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