He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
