Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
