I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He is an equal opportunity slut.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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