i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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