I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
