Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
