she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
