I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
