it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize