I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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