Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
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