I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
