She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
