never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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