In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
