remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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