Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
