Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
