got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
