Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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