I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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