it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
