i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
