i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
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Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
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Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
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