At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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