just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
