Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
