I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
