dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
