my being single is dangerous.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
