After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
