dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
