Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It's blow job season.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
