Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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