i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
