I think my fart just growled at me.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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