Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
