just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
