I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
